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This Too Shall Pass

So, year is coming to an end.
I mentioned before that this have been the year of learning for me.
I've been through, ALLOT this year.
Good and bad.
My first though was to say "mostly bad".. But i had to stop my self, because.. That's not really true.
Learning is never bad. Learning is growing.
One can never grow if nothing bad ever happens to them.

I messed up this year. I mean, I really messed up.
I hurt someone, I hurt the one person who has ever gotten close to me without me freaking out.
It all just came natural.. Hes personality made me feel safe.
I didn't even think about "keeping him out".
I guess he asked the right questions, and got closer little by little.
And i guess he got so close, cause i never originally planed on "that" to happen.
But I'm glad it did. At the same time I am sad I hurt him.
If it wasn't for him, i would probable still be in a very dark place.
I have much, no.. I have everything to thank him for.
For those who have been following me and my blog this year, you know how I have fought for this man.
How many times I've asked for forgiveness. How many times I've mentioned him in my blog.
He means the world to me, and he always will. No matter what.
I flew across the world, to tell him to his face how sorry I was for hurting him.
"Apology accepted", he said.
That maybe what i came for.. But I see him, I feel him.. and I know him..
Even if he may have accepted my apology..
I have lost him.
He will never let me close again, he will never trust me or look at me the way I would like to.
But I accept that. I have to.
The respect i have for him forces me to accept that.
"I need to close this chapter" he said.
"If I really mean that much to you, go to Cali, do what you need to do. Start over and don't let anything distract you from being you".
He does mean that much to me. So I will respect his wishes to let him go.
..Even tho my heart breaks just thinking about never seeing him or talking to him again.


Next year will be a brand new start for me.
I will be moving back to the states, California this time.
I will go to college and study for my dream job. A journalist.
I will let go of everything keeping me down, and I will grow and learn from everyone and everything that passes me in life.
It's time.. I need to.
I can never become a better person if i keep holing on to my passed.
Everything comes to an end at one point.
This.. Is my point. So I'm letting go.
For those who choose to stand by me, and wishes to grow with me. I will stay loyal.
For those who have chosen to be fake and used my trust against me.. I am leaving you behind, and I wish you all the best.

A new start, a new blog.
This is my final entry within this blog.
Everything comes to an end..


And This Too Shall Pass...

Lotts of hearts